The Morgue and Its Unfathomable Rash

NORTH COUNTRY MORGUE – Things at the North Country Morgue were steadily increasing in intensity with the reign of Terri the Terror who was just not a suitable fit for retrieving the pallets of dead bodies. Or for the work environment entirely.

Karl was desperate to fill the inventory position, knowing that Terri the Terror was going to need to be released to the wild soon or he would sacrifice his brain to the dead bodies in the back.

He knew that his assistant manager was more than capable of performing the job as he used to be the one handling all the bodies, rigorously inspecting each one to make sure they met protocol. But he always thought to himself, “How will Arlo ever be able to fulfill his role as my go-to guy if he’s always in the back haggling with dead bodies? I need someone who’s got my back!”

Arlo, on the other hand, didn’t even know what he was supposed to be doing as the assistant. Checking up on employees? Making sure the morgue complex is running at peak performance unlike a dead person? Nah. What place does a shy guy like him have conducting social business with the busy bodies of the North Country Morgue?

Haslia even knew that Arlo was not the best at speaking to people. When he came to the morgue for his interview with Karl and Zoe, he had bought a pack of fleshy cinnamon rolls and didn’t even smile at her as she rung him out. How rude!

Minnie, the secretary, stepped up to the plate, or rather, Karl coerced her to.

“Minnie, you have a son who’s into carpentry, don’t you?”

She knew her son was a sort of handyman, one who was handy at messing up everything. You need a roof fixed? There’s still a sliver of light peeking through when the job is done. But he’s the go-to guy around the town because no one can learn for themselves.

“Arlo, the guy’s brilliant. I’ve known him since he was just a child.” He clasped his hands together. “Brilliant. So. Brilliant.”

The boy came in for his interview, dressed in tattered garments. Pants falling off his bum. His belly hardly being covered by his already enormous shirt. Chewing something that didn’t look like gum… It was blacker than the vilest void.

“Do you consider yourself a team player?”

“Would you be willing to drive a forklift?”

“Can you lift over 50 pounds?”

The questions kept spewing out of Karl’s mouth, though he already knew the answers, but for the sake of a typical interview and in the presence of Arlo, he had to do his duty.

Maurelius answered away.

“Yeah!”

“Any day!”

“You betcha!”

Karl grabbed his stack of interview papers and aligned them neatly, no paper overlapping another. He then stood up to face the interviewee.

“Welcome to the team, Maurelius!” He shook his hand. “We are glad to have you on board.”

Maurelius said, “I won’t let you down, sir.”

After Karl handed the new hire his orientation papers, Maurelius left the office.

Karl swiftly moved toward the door and closed it, ensuring that Maurelius was far enough away from the room to not hear the door close. He then sat back down in his chair and spun toward Arlo, facing him with a visage sterner than two lovers staring each other down, trying not to laugh.

“Arlo, I’ve gotta be honest with you. I only hired him to replace Terri because I want to get rid of her as soon as I can. I just need some solid evidence so that the authorities don’t come after me for unlawfully firing her.”

The young assistant wanted change as well, but he also knew that because this was out of desperation, surely things would not go more smoothly. Because such is the nature of rash decision making. Similar to scratching a rash actually. You know you shouldn’t, but sometimes, it just feels good to relieve that itch…

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